Nerdigras

Nerdy holidays abound in March! The newly-christened Nerdigras being the 10-day period starting with The Square Root of Christmas (12/25=1225=35^2=3/5) and ending with Pi Day (3/14). Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters all around!

"Family" Reunion 2008

Family reunions are fun, sometimes. You don't get to pick your family... or do you? This year, the 3rd Annual Family Reunion will be going on in beautiful Boulder, Colorado. Probably Denver, too. Details. It's not technically family. It's a group of high school and college friends who like keeping good friends once they have them.

The weekend of September 27th is when it all goes down. There's an Oktoberfest going on in Denver, David Allen Coe is playing at The Fox, Kevin is having a birthday, and we'll probably go to some museum or something.

Love it.

hot chick + plasma tv + cashiers check = scam

I'm renting out rooms in my house and put an ad on Craigslist. I got several local responses, but one in particular stood out as rather odd. This is just the teaser, there is a bunch of back and forth. I'll add more after the jump when I'm not swamped with work!

From: "hh gg"
Reply-To: loveandloveback@gmail.com
Subject: $450 3 rooms $450-475 in quiet South Boulder neighborhood

Hello,
I am katherine benedito, I grew up in Portugal and working with my present establishment Harveys &Co. (clothing) Ltd which specialize in production of all kind of work wear As a Market Researcher. I started working with my present establishment In the year 2003 I got transferred to the U k, which obviously I did not find it easy at all initially but had to cope because of my sustainance.Weve got a tremendous increase in turnover in US market over the last 2 years, since then our company has been planning to establish and penetrate the US market. Some weeks ago, a memo came from our head office notifying my assignment to the STATES" this will take a couple of months as part of our marketing planning in US market.
My job is to do a lot of secondary research and also access the weekly report of our Marketing Research Agency. Most of my job is from home and little on field. Ever since I have started my career I have been enjoying international transfers and have been using that opportunity to gain international exposures which I belief it's very useful for me in the near future...lol. I am a Christian, a social drinker and a non smoker, I would want to know more about you and why you which to rent out your place and if it is still very much available. Please let me have your quick response ASAP.
Regards,
Harveys &Co. (clothing) Ltd
katherine
07031894238

beware the woe-man

I take cabs to and from BWI relatively often, and the cabbie I get is usually either of African or Arab descent, with a relatively thick accent. I'm usually either tired or hung over or both, so I don't generally strike up conversation. Sometimes the cabbie will talk forever about boring crap and I smile and nod, but today I had the most hilarious misogynist from Ghana. I don't even remember what we talked about, but he had the craziest laugh, and he cracked himself up. And he kept saying "Beware the woe-man! You know, like from the bible when they say 'Woe unto you!' woe-man!" and talking about how back in Ghana he didn't have to cook, ever, or do any dishes, but once African women get to America, they get all uppity. Dude was 63, had 2 houses and a Mercedes and still drove a cab. Assuming he wasn't lying through his teeth. I laughed for basically the entire cab ride.

$$ "Good luck with your woe."
"Thank you, sir! Have a safe flight, and beware the woe-man!"

Boston, you are retarded.

So if you haven't heard, Boston got its panties in a bunch over some LED signs that were part of a guerilla marketing campaign for Aqua Teen Hunger Force (ATHF), which is one of the most bizarre (and amusing) shows on [adult swim]. Then [adult swim] goes and puts this shit up on their website, completely validating Boston's reaction. Unbelievable. Boston can kiss my fucking ass. THEY'RE LEDS. Good lord.

Tell them they suck for apologizing. I did:

I don't appreciate you validating the city of Boston's knee jerk retarded reaction to a harmless advertising campaign. I also don't appreciate you selling the advertising firm down the river so quickly. I realize you have a bunch of pussies in suits upstairs telling you what to do, but for $deity's sake, a disproportionate response to a bunch of LEDs doesn't require you to put on the kneepads and apologize profusely to a bunch of morans.

a busy two months

I've had a busy two months... between spending quite a bit of time in Maryland over Christmas (and missing the first big snow of the year in Colorado), skiing at Keystone, Beaver Creek, and Breckenridge, getting kicked out of the condo I was renting for being a loud drunk ass one night, and buying a house, I haven't really wanted to do much except a whole lot of nothing when I have free time.

Also, I broke the LCD on my camera when I was trying to snowboard, so it's just like a regular camera now (i.e. more of a pain to take pictures). I'll post the photos I have once I finish unpacking. It's almost February. Gah!

WHEEEEEEEE!

"those parquet floors are like the worst possible mix with new shoes and alcohol" -mia

"heh. *looks up parquet*" - me

I made up a recipe.

I am not well known for my cooking skeelz. If you ask any of my college era housemates, it's actually quite the opposite. I've been known to cook up two cups of rice in my rice cooker and then just have rice with hot sauce for dinner. Yum. But that's not good enough these days. I'm steadily getting better at cooking, and it's kind of fun, even though I don't cook for other people all that often. So I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who used to be a chef and it occurred to me that whenever I cook, I always use a recipe. So what would happen if I didn't? I had some potatoes left over from making indian food not too long ago (cauliflower, peas, and potatoes) so I decided to use that as my base. The following recipe made two large-ish servings for me, and it reheated quite well (nuke 2 min, stir, nuke 1 min, add Texas Pete).

Beer Hash Browns
Cooking hardware needed:

• knife to cut up potatoes
• cutting board
• wooden spoons or some other stirring utensil
• large pot to boil potatoes
• large colander to drain potatoes
• large saucepan to finish off potatoes

Ingredients:

• 4 potatoes, decent size
• 2tsp minced garlic
• a can of crappy beer
• 4tsp canola oil
• salt, pepper
• cayenne pepper, thyme, oregano (can vary, spice to taste

Instructions:

• rinse potatoes
• cut up the 4 potatoes into 1/2" cubes, no need to peel unless you want to
• rinse again for good measure
• bring the large pot (about half filled with water) to a boil and add potatoes
• add 2tsp minced garlic and half a can of beer to the pot
• add some salt and cayenne pepper here if you like
• stir to disperse as evenly as possible
• keep at a medium boil for 15-20 min, stirring every now and then
• when the potatoes are almost tender enough, dump everything into the large colander
• add 4tsp of canola oil to the large saucepan (over medium heat)
• dump the potatoes into the saucepan
• spice to taste with salt, pepper, thyme, oregano, whatever you like
• stir for 5-10 minutes until the potatoes start to brown a bit
• serve!

Voila! Dave's first meal (? at least side dish!) cooked without a recipe. Let me know if you make/like it!

i hate hardware

I am posting this from my workstation.

So I am apparently retarded and awesome for kind of the same reason. My workstation is loud. Less so now, but it's still loud. It was louder before. The other day, I built a MythTV box and it was really loud so I bought a Zalman CNPS6000-Cu CPU fan to make it quieter. Then my MythTV box was really quiet. Quiet enough that I could hear my other computer (my workstation) a lot more. So I ordered a Zalman CNPS5700D-Cu CPU fan for my workstation. Then, in the middle of a workday...

during my lunch break, I decide it would be a wonderful idea to install said 5700D-Cu cooler to make my workstation quieter. But afterwards it doesn't turn on.FUCK. The CPU fan turns on, but the motherboard doesn't beep at all and there is no video signal. I spend about 3 hours trying to fix this, but nothing works. I am completely stumped.

I assume either my processor or motherboard got fried. I order a new processor and motherboard from NewEgg. They get here today (Ok, technically yesterday) and I start testing my old components to see which is broken, CPU or motherboard. Keep in mind that I fucking hate "debugging" hardware (yes, the origin of the phrase 'debugging' refers to hardware, blah blah), so I am drinking some fantastic wine while doing this. No, I don't spill it into my computer case, as "hilarious" as that would be.

So I put the old CPU into the new motherboard. It does the same shit. No beeps, CPU fan turns on. I screw around with my hardware for a little while longer, looking for anything that might be wrong. Eventually, I look directly at the bottom of my P4 2.4G processor. Is that a bent pin?! Wonderful. It is. And of course, now when I think back, I can remember wondering why the processor feels weird when I seat it in the socket.

Somehow, ONE PIN out of the 42 thousand on the back of a socket 478 processor managed to bend itself in the most inconvenient way possible. How do I fix this? I have no fucking clue, I'm a keyboard jockey. Kevin suggests using a plastic mechanical pencil to bend the pin back into a close enough position that it will be accepted into the socket. I (of course) continue drinking copious amounts of wine, because otherwise, it will go bad. Wine can do that, I think. Why am I drinking wine? I don't even really like wine. It's Ok, I guess.

After about an hour of gingerly prodding the 1/42000 pin into its original position, it seats correctly. Everything starts working perfectly. Now I have an extra motherboard and processor just waiting for me to spend more $$ to get them up and running. Dammit.

Congrats Jason

A friend of mine just graduated from Naropa University. He is also a snowboard instructor. This was his graduation party. The snowboarding videos start on page 5.

movie list (104)

"SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 100 movies, you have no life. OR YOU'RE THE COOLEST PERSON EVER! (which I think is much more accurate) Mark the ones you've seen. There are 194 movies on this list."

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints (I actually own this but haven't watched it...wtf?)
(x) The Mexican
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
total: 8

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Young Frankenstein
(x) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
( ) 50 First Dates
( ) Jason X
( ) Mona
total: 5 (13)

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
(x) Scary Movie 3
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
Total: 9 (22)

(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Donnie Darko
( ) Lilo & Stitch.
( ) Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch
Total: 7 (29)

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
(x)Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
( ) Thirteen Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
( ) Dead man walking
(x) Sister Act 1
(x) Sister Act 2
Total: 7 (36)

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(x) Universal Soldier
( ) A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
Total: 5 (41)

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) the Terminal
( ) the Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumb & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
Total: 3 (44)

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) Girl interupted
Total: 6 (50)

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) Bad Boys
Total: 3 (53)

(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Se7en
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
TOTAL: 6 (59)

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
() Frailty
Total: 2 (61)

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
Total: 5 (66)

(x ) X-men
(x ) X-men 2
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
( ) The Others
( ) Freaky Friday
(x) Reign of Fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
Total: 7 (73)

(x ) Swimfan
(x) Miracle
(x) Old School
( ) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
() A Walk to Remember
( )Boogey Man
Total: 7 (80)

( ) Hitch
(x ) The Fifth Element
(x) Star Wars Episode IV A New Hope
(x) star Wars Episode V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Episode VI Return of The Jedi
(x) Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Episode II Attack of The Clones
(x ) Star Wars Episode III Revenge of The Sith
( ) Troop Beverly Hills
( ) Swimming with Sharks
Total: 7 (87)

(x) Air Force One
( ) For Richer or Poorer
(x) Trainspotting
( ) People Under the Stairs......
( ) Blue Velvet
(x)Sound of Music
(x) Parent Trap
(x) Parent Trap Re-make
( )The Birds
(x )The Terminator
(x)Terminator-2
(x ) T-3
Total: 7 (94)

(x) Empire Records
(x) SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
(x) nightmare Before Christmas
(x) The Silence of the Lambs
(x) Sleepy Hollow
(x) I Heart Huckabees
( ) 24 Hour Party People
( ) Blood In Blood Out
Total: 6 (100)

( ) Thirteen
( ) Manic
(x) American History X
(x) Deep Blue Sea
( ) George of the Jungle
(x) Canadian Bacon
( ) Big Black Titties
( ) How High
(x) The Jackal
( ) My Little Ponys Grand Adventure 2
Total: 4 (104)

Grand Total: 104

You are all fired.

Get out of my fucking office, you are all fired. Except for you, and you. Every single one of my employees who I encountered today managed to infuriate me. My tax dollars at "work" my ass. I never thought I would say this, thanks to the self-perpetuating stereotype of government ineptitude, but my hero for this week is Marisol from Station #6 at the Beltsville Department of Motor Vehicles. And for what, you might ask? Being an island of shining competence in the ocean of apathy and sheer vogonic belligerence I have encountered recently. All the rest of you worthless sniveling wastes of my time get out of my sight and thank $deity that you still can. Also thanks for being the perfect example of entitlement breeding inefficiency and incompetence.

This morning I attempted to get some new stickers (they add 5hp each!) for my car. The special thing about these stickers, though, is that they make me less likely to get arrested. Most illegal things are easy to do. I, however, seem to have found one of the most difficult illegal things in the world to do. I bought a used car. From a guy who lives in Wisconsin. He financed his car through his credit union. In Michigan. Everything went smoothly, we had a perfect transaction, until I attempted to make this a legally recognized and sanctioned transaction.

I walked into the MVA with everything I need (or so I thought) to get temporary tags to get my vehicle inspected. I get there at 8:30 AM and there are about 200 people in line in front of me. Sigh. When I finally get to the front of the line (thank God I brought a book), the lady looks over my paperwork and, with a very satisfied tone of voice, informs me that my bill of sale "won't do at all", that I need an original, notarized one. Keep in mind that I just want to pay the lady $20 for temporary tags so I can get this thing inspected. I attempt to plead my case to the woman for a while, ending with an exasperated "Are you serious?!", to which she responds "Mmm, no, I don't like to joke around on Tuesdays." Argh.

Something good does come of this, however, the witch sends me to Marisol (see above) and I almost pass out from shock when I am treated with respect and again when she actually lifts a finger to help me instead of looking supremely satisfied because my paperwork is not in order. You, señorita, are my hero of the week.

What brought on this little essay, you might ask? I just spent approximately three hours of my life being bounced around from station to station inside a monolithic bureaucracy, the one that has personally affected me the most in recent memory. Never again will I set foot inside the Glen Burnie MVA.

less should be more

I went to shopper's food warehouse this weekend to prepare for a potluck. This is what I saw.

Mad props to Evan and Leah for the gory gummy cupcakes also.

I think this next image can speak for itself.

chevy chase, you jerk!

Saw this guy on the train the other day. He doesn't look so feisty at first glance...

But if you look at him long enough, you can tell it's an optical illusion!

a book recommendation

I read Freakonomics yesterday, and I really enjoyed it. There are definitely some polarizing topics discussed, but the research is framed in a very academic way, so if you are capable of not being offended while reading something you potentially disagree with, this book is for you. I, for one, disagree with the author's characterization of Martha Stewart as deserving what she got, mainly because that was most likely one of the least researched statements in the book, but everything else was quite intelligently put forth with disclaimers about statistical research and corrolations that were much more lucid than I have come to expect. Summary? Highly recommended.

scary baby

I've got a bunch of old family photos that I am currently the caretaker of. Some of them are pretty darn amusing. I think I've gotten less photogenic with age. Decide for yourself...

abomination

verizon phone lockdown illegal?

IANAL, but I just got a new phone and rather than paying Verizon to pull my old phone numbers off my lame LG VX6000, I transferred them over manually, culling the lame ducks in the process. So if I tell you I don't have your phone number anymore, you should laugh nervously. And then I read this article and thought perhaps what they did was illegal...?

If I don't want to have my data trapped in a proprietary format, I will avoid those proprietary applications. What is the sense of using the proprietary application and then asking for an open source tool to access the data?

You own your data, even when it's trapped in a proprietary application. There is a term in American law, conversion, for the act of refusing to give back property of others that has been entrusted to you for safekeeping. This is probably illegal wherever you live, too, and when proprietary vendors trap your data and refuse to let you get at it except through their application, they may be committing a crime.

stored procedures in postgresql via libqp

This entry will have an astronomical geek index, so if you have no idea what the title means, you should probably just move along, nothing to see here.

This is a work in progress, and will potentially have a sequel.

Let's outline the problem at hand. There is a postgresql database. You'd like to connect to it. You've decided to implement in C, and therefore you will be using libpq to connect to your database. Connecting isn't really that difficult, but as has been discovered by me and my more-technical-than-usual project manager, there is not much documentation at all to be had on the specifics of postgresql stored procedures and using them in conjunction with libpq.

So I'll assume the reader is competent enough to get the postgresql libraries installed. That leaves us with how, exactly, to get data into and back out of the database. There are a couple classes of stored procedures, some of which can be handled trivially, and others which can't. Here's a trivial case:

/* so you have PGresult *r,

 * which is the result of calling a stored procedure

 * that returns a single integer. */

if (PQresultStatus(r) == PQ_TUPLES_OK) {

    if (PQntuples(r)) {

        fprintf(stderr, "got [%d]\n", PQgetvalue(r, 0, 0));

    }

}

penguin suit

I picked up my tux last night for Brian's wedding. The guy who took my measurements gave me the wrong size shirt, though, and I couldn't even get the top button buttoned. Worked out ok, I got a new shirt out of the deal, out of the bag new. In the spirit of "Take a picture, it'll last longer", here you go:

so many books

I don't know why I do this... I have way too many books, and I probably will never be able to read all of them. I just got back from my Uncle George's funeral in PA and I usually leave that town with an armful of books, so I have 6 from there including an edition of The Screwtape Letters printed in 1943 and The Epic of Gilgamesh, and I went to the Greenbelt Labor Day Festival for a little while today and came away with another 10 or so, including Dianetics (because I'm curious) and some apparently out-of-print book called Why Males Exist by Fred Hapgood (because that's just hilarious). Sigh.

Jesus & Weenies II: The Second Coming

I went to a party in Fredneck this weekend. Which was the second time this weekend I was that far north. So Friday evening I drove up to Cracker Barrel and futzed about for like 3 hours, eating some food in the process. Then we drove to Garrett County to Adam's maternal unit's farm to camp and run from bears. Got there around 12:30 and set up tents and drank beer until around 4, after starting a campfire with bugspray. Yay. Then I drove home to hang out with my uncles. Then I got drunk at a bar for Kelly's birthday, patronized these guys who were trying to convince us they owned the bar (because they were buying me JD), and passed out on a couch. Then I woke up and was locked in the house. Stupid gated basement apartments. Then I shot shotguns 75 times with Kevin (my first time using a gas action semi-auto), managed to jam it 3 times, and got powder residue all over myself.

Ok, now we get to the fun part. So I call up my buddy having the "launch Jesus" party and it turns out I can make it there just in time for the launch since I've been dawdling. After stupid traffic and drafting behind a statie, I do, in fact, arrive, and it turns out Mike has lied to all his friends saying I'm the safety inspector and he has to wait for me. Thanks Mike! There is a little stubby rocket that gets launched first, which you can sort of see in the third pic, and its parachute fails spectacularly, although it survived intact enough to be launched again later. The main event is pic 2, the huge rocket with 3 rocket engines in it. The launchpad wasn't exactly on level ground, so the rocket veers east into the cornfield, which causes 7 people to go running out to find it, and a bunch of people to climb up into the treehouse to guide them with cellphones. Heh. That's when I lost interest and went to eat watermelon. Oh and I forgot to mention that we saw JC drifting down over the cornfield. His parachute worked a lot better than the stubby rocket's. THE END.

trading cards

Hello. So, I was talking to this guy in a bar. And he was all "You should make trading cards of yourself." But then I was all "But that's SO pretentious." And then we got into this whole long discussion and our waitress ended up punching this guy, in the bar. Ok, that didn't really happen. But I had you going there! I went to Chuck E Cheese's, for a thing:

They have this REALLY AWESOME thing where you sit in a little open booth thing and put in 1 token and it takes a picture of you, which it then converts to grayscale and applies a pencil effect. And it simulates Chuck sketching it while you wait, and he even makes a mistake that he has to erase! Then he tells you that you look good, even though that huge ZIT he just drew and erased was actually there and you really look like crap. I want one of those machines, and then every time someone comes over, I can make them get their picture taken and I can hang it up on the wall like they do in restaurants, and then I can say "Look over there, on that wall, that's everyone who has been in my house. I drew those. That's right."

Crippled Politician

You are a Politician!
(Dominant Extroverted Abstract Thinker)

You are a POLITICIAN (DEAT)— forceful, outgoing, and forward-looking. You are strong-willed and extroverted, so you enjoy interacting with other people. You aggressively pursue your goals.

Your creative style of thinking allows you to come up with unusual arguments and original ideas that appeal to others, but behind it all is an analytical mind that never forgets the bottom line. While some might see you as manipulative, your close friends know you are a talented person who deserves the best in life.

Whatever. You *are* manipulative. Whether you use your power for "good" or "bad" is up to you. If you're confused what good or bad means, ask a HEALER. Like EXPERIMENTERS, you have a propensity for cheating.

Compared to 14,736,800 other test takers...
99% are more Submissive than you.
0% are more Dominant than you.
1% are just as Dominant as you.

71% are more Introverted than you.
14% are more Extroverted than you.
15% are just as Extroverted as you.

5% are more Abstract than you.
85% are more Concrete than you.
10% are just as Abstract as you.

2% are more Thinking than you.
96% are more Feeling than you.
2% are just as Thinking as you.

my car is awesome

Ok so I noticed something funny today. I was driving down the road listening to music. So far so good. But you know how when you turn on your headlights, the display on your radio dims a bit? I noticed that mine does that whenever I have a bass hit! Awesome.

Also, I took a purity test. However, this was the only purity test I've ever taken where it asked you if you've ever tried to have sex with an animal and failed. That is all.

stupid nigerian 419 scammers

These guys are giving the 5 people in Nigeria who aren't involved in this bullshit a bad name. At least learn the difference between "PROPOSITION" and "PREPOSITION", you bottom-feeding waste of oxygen. What? Harsh? I don't think so, he's posing as a senator, which I presume he thinks is better than being a scammer.

Dear Sir/Ma,

My Name is Senator Seth Dangote. The Executive Chairperson Pension funds committee in the senate of the Federal Republic Of Nigeria. I am writing you to earnestly Solicit for your assistance in helping to receive some sum of money.I got your E-mail address on the Internet while searching for a reliable and reputable person to handle this transaction.

THE PREPOSITION:

We have the sum of US$21,000,000.00 (Twenty-One Million Dollars) that we intend to transfer overseas blah blah blah I hope you're gullible, stop me if you've heard this one.

geeeeeeky

[I am] 75% geeky.

You're the ultimate geek. I'd write that in Klingon, but you'd probably correct my grammar. Get a girlfriend.

The current average score is: 33.05%

Fact: 40.79% of people who took this test admit to wearing a costume "just for fun".

Geek % Test

velvet lounge

I don't really know what I was expecting, but I went to the Velvet Lounge on Thursday to see Kat Parsons (which was awesome, more on that later)... that place is a hole in the wall! I thought it would be bigger. But, in their defense, although there was no mirror in the guys bathroom and I had to unwrap the roll of paper towels to dry my hands, there was this thing on the wall that made me laugh. The show was great, though.

The band was three people, Kat, her brother Jon, and Karl Malone. The (deaf) people I was with said his name was John Malone, but that's no fun. Besides, then you couldn't nickname yourself The Mailman. All three people sang, played keyboard, and guitar. Nice harmony, and The Mailman would beatbox from time to time (sounds kind of odd if you think about it, but it worked). Despite cell phones and sirens (we were on U St...) I enjoyed the show a lot, and everyone around me seemed to also. Intelligent lyrics too, did I mention that? And effortless stage presence. And they're nice people. Buy a CD, whydontcha?

nifty new project (ICF)

Brian gave me a good idea the other day. That day sucked, and I didn't really feel like I got anything done at work, and I wanted to get something done, so I knocked that out when I got home. Thus was the (drumroll) Interactive Color Field born. Click once to turn it on, then move your mouse around in the browser window to paint, then click again to turn it off. Repeat as desired.

what a guy!

it snuck up on me... new episode of Family Guy last night! "Let he who is without sin kick the first ass!"

The One Minute Bureaucrat

My Uncle Jim wrote this book a couple years ago. It's a quick read; I read the whole thing while I was sitting in a Starbucks in Whistler in January 2004. I remember enjoying it, but I don't remember any specifics, so I'm re-reading it right now.

He also self-published another (Bush Almighty! An Extraterrestrial Critique) last year that I just found out about while trying to link to the publisher of the first one without going through Amazon... I ordered my copy by sending a $15 check directly to the publisher. I just had to dig through a crapton of old check copies to get that number. You're welcome.

The snail mail address for the publisher of this book is:

Serendipity
Suite 530
37 Store Street
Bloomsbury
London

keep digging

This week at work we've been having Perl (a programming language) training. We contracted MJD (so close) to come teach us stuff, and it's been cool. I've been working with perl for a while now, and he's published a bunch of useful perl stuff on his website, so I recognized the name. I've learned stuff from his site (and recommended it in turn for clear, concise explanations) in the past, so it was cool to get to meet him in person. He's a really nice guy, and a good teacher.

And then I told him his shirt was ugly. Or that's what it sounded like. I actually own almost exactly the same shirt he was wearing, but in a different color (mine's green, his was blue). The girl I went to prom with bought it for me in Hawaii.

We used to have Ugly Shirt Day every Tuesday, and holy crap were some of those shirts spectacularly ... noticeable. So one week I totally forgot until Tuesday morning, and the funniest thing I could find was this shirt that is identical (or perhaps completely different) to/from the one MJD was wearing. So I figured it would be kind of amusing to mention our Ugly Shirt Day tradition... thus the post title.

in you endo

My "burrito" has 51g of fat, and
1203 calories. How about yours?

i feel wee taw did

so i busted the crap out of my heel a couple days ago. i can't really put weight on it yet. which makes otherwise thoughtless things insanely hard. i'm going to make a list!

1. showering

   i always feel as though i'm moments from death while i'm gimpy and showering because i have to hop around on the slippery bathmat. no real close calls yet, just palpable fear.




2. eating

   think about what you do when you make food for yourself. you make it (in the kitchen) and then you carry it to the table, or the couch, or whatever, and you eat it. except that i have to either hop, which sends food flying, or use crutches, which uses both hands. *sigh*




3. working

   i work at a computer, typing for most of the day. i also am supposed to keep my foot elevated to reduce swelling. it's hard to keep my foot elevated and type at the same time! try it sometime.

   
   

4. ordering pizza

   this is just a whole mess of complications... where do i start?! ok, so actually ordering said pizza is not actually more difficult. but it requires a lot of forethought since (for one thing) my landspeed is drastically reduced. so i have to be near the door when the pizza comes, otherwise Mr. Delivery Man might get impatient and leave (not really, but in my head). then i have to get TO the door relatively quickly, open it, open the screen door, not let the cat out, pay the man, grab the pizza, not let the cat out, and get to where i'm gonna eat without pouring pizza all over the cat/carpet/myself.

new book backend

I hardly ever update the book sidebar on the main page because it's too much work. There is no custom module to do it for me where I just enter an ISBN and it looks up the image and links somewhere to a product page automatically for me. Too much work, most of the time, unless I'm feeling overly productive. And then my productivity is wasted hacking ad hoc HTML.

So, in true lazy computer nerd fashion, I decided to make the computer do the work for me.

I enter the ISBN, it gets the cover image for me, and I have nice easy chunks I can work with to piece together how I want the book to be displayed. Plus, I get to inflict my reading choices on whoever comes to my website!

which NetHack monster are you?

may the best team win. duke sucks.

Almost one (1) year ago today, I posted about writing a bracket randomizer for my NCAA Men's Basketball picks. Last year's still works. For old time's sake, see if you can get the Terps to not choke. I guarantee they won't choke anywhere in this year's bracket, mainly because THEY AREN'T THERE.

social (homeland) security?

Whether you love or hate The Washington Post (I personally don't read it enough to have a valid opinion), you've got to respect them for presenting both sides of the current Social Security debate, For and Against.

You'll notice I didn't call the current Administration's plan by its scare-tactic label, "privatization" or what its proponents use, "individual accounts" or alternately (not directly) part of a paradigm shift towards an "ownership-oriented society". I don't like bs marketing words when easy explanations will work just as well. This is funny too. I prefer the explanations here, by the Cato Institute

shawshank

I watched The Shawshank Redemption with a friend of mine tonight. Think I'll make it a habit to watch that movie every 6 months or so, at least. I always forget how good (and long, and emotional) it is. Makes me want to make something. It's so true that you don't know what you've got till it's gone, and watching a movie about it being gone is so much easier than actually losing it. Thanks Steven King!

wha? who?

My website is hosted by DreamHost. They've been nice to me (and others), and I'm generally happy with the service.

They have a wacky newsletter every month or so, and this month was kind of weird because:

And then there was that giant red furry tennis racket with a paycheck for $2,042.13 made out to "David Gray".

what the eff: keepin' it (sur)real

I've had the most random and surreal morning. I woke up and sat up in bed a couple seconds before my alarm went off, then was awake long enough to sound it when my friend Eamonn called in a reminder about my favorite Irish whisky that his sister and friends were kind enough to pick up for me in the airport. So I'm sitting on the edge of my bed, and RoboCat runs into my room and starts drooling on me. I know, cats don't drool. That's what I said too. Anyway, Fucker bites me right on the chin! HARD. He drew blood... Guess who got tossed out of my room real quick? It blows my mind how bipolar or passive aggressive or something that cat is.

I used to work with Eamonn, so I stopped by the office to pick up my booty. He failed to tell me that today was moving out day. I got hired with a group of 5 other people, and everyone (including me) was either laid off or quit for a higher-paying job in the space of about 3 years. Or both. Eamonn's the survivor, though, because he came over to get the office ready for us, and now he's closing the bastard down and moving to Michigan. I'll drink to that. See you around, buddy.

one weekend

Here's to you, Bob.

how to use chopsticks

eminem 'mosh' video

I just watched Eminem's new video (dl). It's 50 megs, but it's worth the download.
Link props to Mia.

"Mr. President, Mr. Senator, do you guys hear us?"

stuffed full of sushi

Several intrepid diners converged on Benihana's anoche for sushi and good times. We stumbled out the door several hours later, feckless and delightfully turgid with fish, eel, roe, and wasabi, speculating as to what percentage exactly of our engorgement we had craftily avoided payment for by opting for the $27 all-you-can-eat plan. Nobody puked either.

The Shaggy Defense

I trudged into Howard County Traffic Court this morning (78 in a 55, PBJ, thanks for asking), remembering to leave both of my photographic devices in the car (LG VX-6000 and Olympus Stylus 400). Of course, once I was inside the courthouse, I saw a guy with the same phone as me.

The session I was part of started at 9am, and I made sure to get there early and bring a book. Which was a good idea (the book, not the getting there early), because I was near the bottom of the list and there were several cases that took way longer than they should have. There was, of course, the token overly honest rookie traffic court defendant who gushed, i mean pled "I'm Guilty, your Honor" when the ticketing officer was not present. The judge dutifully pretended not to hear him and repeated, "Your officer is not present. How do you plead?"

On prominent display today was a unique, and surprisingly enough, sometimes effective defense: The Shaggy Defense. It's very simple: "It wasn't me." One lady with an eastern european accent successfully employed this defense on a technicality—the officer had misspelled her name on the ticket, so it was dismissed.

The other person who attempted to pull this off didn't fare so well. In a cringe-inducing series of events, an elderly gentleman with a cane in his right hand (quite obviously Alzheimerified to the gills) stunned the court by arguing that he had never owned the type of car he was allegedly pulled over in, and, of course, added to his already staunch defense the speculation that he was going through a bankruptcy and divorce at the time. This was three-plus years ago, because of some rescheduling conflicts, and the ticketing officer had been transferred twice and promoted three times, and still managed to have enough evidence to prove to the judge that the old coot had simply forgotten about the whole thing. You really do have to feel sorry for the guy when he gets fined $150 and asks for a 6-month payment plan, though...

Oh, the part I failed to mention is that when they were swearing the old guy in, he confidently raised his left hand and promptly realized that it would be better to raise his right hand instead. So he takes his right hand off his cane, almost collapses, stupendously manages to grab for the cane handle with his right hand in time to regain his balance, reaches across his body with his left hand to steady himself on his cane, awkwardly raises his right hand and says "I do." I managed to keep a straight face. I hope I do funny stuff like that when I get older.

curious about martin amis

http://martinamis.albion.edu/
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/103-5223220-4574211
i read a short story in Granta where a live-in lesbian couple was in the process of breaking up. the one compulsively read and quoted Martin Amis while the other enjoyed comic books and was in denial. the plot resolved itself when the one in denial started reading Amis too, and grew some self-esteem.

i thought: "isn't that int[eresting&riguing]: that someone (a writer) would be so touched by someone else's writing as to include references to it in one of their own short stories... and one (a story) so seemingly, if not actually, personal."

it was a good short story. i will read martin amis. marketing professionals take note (really, please don't... it would ruin a genuine channel of recommendation).

strike a juxtapose

busy busy busy, huge image backlog! here's a couple from the last SOTG movie this year:

quiet discomfort

I went to Chipotle for lunch. But starting this post out that way, with that title won't (at least not yet) lead to the obvious conclusion. I subscribed to The Sun recently (no, not The Baltimore Sun) and, by the way, I've been pleased with the content so far. To paraphrase a self-described "fatcat Republican" in the letters to the editor this month, even if I don't completely agree with the opinions as such, it's always a pleasure to read a well-written and intelligently presented point. Ah yes, on to my point; there is an article about welfare "reform" (pdf) in this month's issue.

While I am generally against welfare (fosters entitlement, see Saudi Arabia), especially "health care as a right," this article raises several important independent points. The upshot is that a welfare system implemented by an inefficient bureaucracy and steered by politicians with their own agendas can barely accomplish its stated purpose, even assuming that the theoretical causes driving the need for welfare to begin with are being ameliorated, let alone in an economic and social environment that in many cases encourages a downward spiral.

So I think the strangest part about that whole experience was that I was reading this article in a Chipotle in the middle of suburban Columbia, surrounded by other middle-class white-collar workers. I can't imagine McDonald's pays Chipotle crewmembers (ingenius labelling, isn't it?) much more than regular McD's employees...

benz event 2004

The LoveMercedes Tour is coming to town (DC area) Sept. 17-19. I signed up for 9am to 11am on the 19th, maybe I'll see you there. This year they have more tracks that are also more interesting than before:

The 4MATIC Experience - simulated icy surfaces, twisty corners, sand and more help demonstrate the advantages of Mercedes-Benz all-wheel drive technology

The Off-Road Adventure – professional drivers show you the versatility of Mercedes-Benz SUVs, including a 28-degree angle lean

Fun in the Sun – experience the handling, performance and open-air freedom of Mercedes-Benz convertibles and roadsters plus the all new 2005 E-320 CDI diesel sedan

raise the roof (not)

i woke up at about 6:30am last night to have a slash. and now that i think about it, i do sort of remember a big apocalyptic crashing noise also. but then i went back to bed. i don't know, i guess i thought erik was bringing another engine into the basement and dropped it, or something.

so i wake up sort of late and go into the kitchen for a snack before i leave for work.

oh. so that's what the big noise was...

more pics from the alleged motor-dropper

ghetto popeyes

I find inspiration in the strangest places...

I'm Popeye the Sailor Man,
I eat from the Popeye's dumpster when I can
I've got a strong ticker
Cause I drinks malt liquor,
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man!

Lots of random source images for you to see.

Mad props to the GIMP (GNU Image Manipulation Program), because it's almost just like Photoshop, without all the piracy.

dodgeball fun

Recently I've been playing dodgeball on tennis courts on Sunday afternoons. Lightin' bastids up is always fun. Yesterday was a watershed event, though—we had almost twice as many people in one game as we'd ever had before, and that was even before the Washington Post article on our group came out today! Here are some pics from the article (links go to a scanned version of the article):

I played dodgeball a lot as a kid, in what I like to call "church Boy Scouts", but it was a different type of dodgeball usually. Every man for himself, 2 or 3 balls. You had to sit down when you got hit, but you could still get back into the game by hitting or catching a ball thrown by someone who's still in.

Our group plays what strikes me as a modified version of what I knew as greek dodge, which works really well on a tennis court, because instead of just having people on the far end once they get out, you can be on all sides of the other team. I think it also works better with a lot of people (20+ total) and a lot of balls (3+). There's a lot more strategy involved than you might think, mostly centered around keeping control of the balls and keeping your opponent moving and/or off-balance.

Good times—If you're in the MD/DC/VA area, check out the Yahoo! group linked above and come get your ass handed to you. It'll be fun. Just don't expect us to go easy on you, Nancy Boy.

short-lived story

I emailed The Atlantic about why they removed Until Gwen from their website:

We were only granted permission by Lehane's agent to post the story for a month, so unfortunately we had to take it down.

So that's why. Perhaps I was the only one still wondering about this.

new menu

i just finished up a new link menu in the right sidebar. it works for me, but if it doesn't work for you, let me know. google should actually recognize those urls as links now, because they're not hidden away in a form element. yay!

malt liquor purse

cicada takes a field trip!

where's bob?

SPC Robert Scussel 5675
230th MI Co 30th HSB (AR) First ID (M)
Operation Iraqi Freedom
(FOB: KMTB)
APO AE 09393

Also, for anyone else sending packages, Family Support suggested not putting the real contents on the customs slip if the contents are valuable; i.e., electronics, games, etc. She suggested putting "books". She also suggested not putting your home as the return address. Instead use a PO Box or the Army National Guard address:

Your Name
c/o Army National Guard
8601 Odell Rd
Laurel, MD 20708

reading list

in case somebody's getting the wrong idea about me, i really haven't been reading that Aristotle book that my website says "I'm reading" since just about forever... i startedto read it, but the first section is boring, so i stopped. perhaps i'll pick it up again when i wax philosophical again. i subscribe to Reason and the Atlantic, and due to all my other recent reading, i've been falling behind on my magazine reading. so that's what i've been reading. they both have good websites, and post a lot of content from their issues. go check 'em out if you've exhausted all the links on Fark.

does it sound like that when i say it?

HAH-LUHR!!1

dave n dave

fun at the Angry Inch Saloon

blog spammers: ~50, me: ∞

It works! Thanks to some sort-of-related projects at work and also thanks in big part to Mr. Obtrusive Gay Porn Spammer, I now have spam comment protection. Feast your eyes:

and comment on this post to see it in action (or go here to play). i'm late for stuff, but i'll post the code if anyone wants it.

chicken, strip!

no comment

i have disabled commenting on all posts for now because the spam commenting is getting out of control. i get about 10 gay porn (yes, that's what i said) spam comments every day. stupid assholes got nothing better to do than clog up my personal webspace with stuff i'm not interested in... bah.

i can email you the urls if you're interested, cb *wink wink*

i... er... wow.

(no, it's not a gay porn site)

Smackdown 2k4

I'm competing in the Smackdown Bouldering Competition on April 3rd (that's a Saturday) in the Intermediate Division at Earth Treks' Timonium gym. You should come watch! I'm not as awesome as some of the other people who will be climbing later in the day, so it's free to watch me. If you want to come watch the pros (yes, literally pros; I'm staying to watch, it's included with my Smackdown registration), spectator registration for the Petzl Roc Comp is here.

randobracket liiiiiives!

I don't really follow college basketball that much. It's fun to watch with fun people, but there is already fun happening there, so the basketball is just a nice touch. Anyway, I started making my NCAA bracket selections for the pool that I'm in and, while doing so, got really bored. So instead of picking teams, I wrote a randomizer. It was harder than I thought, but the hardest part was the design.

When I write things like that (I also wrote a brute-force solution to Drive Ya Nuts), it's hard to get an algorithm that's flexible enough to cover the entire problem, so the working result tends to look like a piece of crap and be really hard to debug. When my QA team of one (props to Rico) pointed out an intermittent error, I briefly cursed creation. But it's fixed now. You may stop panicking.

Ah, randomness:

my first graphs

#!/usr/bin/perl -w
use strict;
use GraphViz;

open F,'<races' or die "couldn't read races: $!\n";
my $fc;
{ local $/ = undef; $fc = <F> }
close F;

# race -> base -> child

# split on 3+ "blank" lines
my @races = split /(?:\s*?\n\s*?){3,}/, $fc;
for my $race (@races) {
  my $g = GraphViz->new();
  my ($r,@r,$flag);
  $r = $1 if $race =~ /=.*?\n(.*?).\n/s; # grab race name

  $g->add_node($r);

  $race =~ s/^.*?\-\s*?\n//s; # only keep ability information
  # iterate over abilities, saving class and prerequisite
  while ($race =~ m|^(\w+(?:\s\w+)?)\s*\-\s+(.*)$|gm) {
    my ($class, $prereq) = ($1, $2);
    $g->add_node($class);
    if ($prereq =~ m|N/A|) {
#      print "base [$class]\n";
      $g->add_edge($r,$class);
    } else {
#      print "  child [$class] "; print "(multiple) " if $prereq =~ /,/;
#      print "dependency [$1] " while $prereq =~ /(\d (\w+(?:\s*\w+)?))/g;
      while ($prereq =~ /(\d) (\w+(?:\s*\w+)?)/g) {
	my ($label, $dep) = ($1, $2);
        my @options = (style => 'dotted', fontcolor => 'red', dir => 'both');
        $g->add_edge($dep, $class, label => $label, @options);
      }
#      print "\n";
    }
  }
  $g->as_png("$r.png");
}

yeah, ok MT

So today I decided I'd like to have a list of the books I've read recently (besides the ones I'm reading RIGHT NOW) in my sidebar. It's there now, but only because I (and several other people) are awesome. Here's how it went:

MT: "You can't do that."
Conquistador: "0wn3d."

lastn entries by last modified on

I hate installing crap (DBI) when there is another way to do something, so I decided to try this:

DateTags MT plugin

which functionally fell short of what I wanted to do, in that it wouldn't let me filter out a certain number of posts from just one category. I grok perl, so I decided to MAKE IT WORK!!1 (code follows, beware)

The following code segment is what I had to change to display the last couple entries in my book category ordered descending by modified_on date:

in DateTags.pl around line 196:
sub dt_n_entries {
# skip some stuff
        my $cat_id = '';
        if (defined $args->{category} ) {
          my $iter = MT::Category->load_iter({ blog_id => $ctx->stash('blog')->id });
          my %cats;
          while (my $obj = $iter->()) {
            $cats{$obj->label()} = $obj->id();
          }
          $cat_id = $cats{$args->{category}};
        }
        my @entries = MT::Entry->load({ blog_id => $ctx->stash('blog')->id,
                status => MT::Entry::RELEASE() },
                { sort => $column,
                  start_val => $ts,
                  direction => $direction,
                  limit => $args->{'n'},
                  join => [ 'MT::Placement', 'entry_id', { category_id => $cat_id } ]
                });
# skip some more stuff
} # end of function

an urban legend?

on a similar topic (to the previous post), i was looking for a source to back up the claim i've heard more than one intelligent person repeat, that "taco bell only makes money on their soda sales, they actually lose money on their food" but i couldn't even find a disreputable source! snopes doesn't seem to be familiar with that one, and i don't have the patience to look through sec filings or anything, so i will pose the question and hopefully someone else in the world knows of a (dodgy) source. for the record, i think that claim is a bunch of crap, but that's just my, you know, brain talking. mmm, tacos.

good idea, stealth tj

it's erik's birthday on friday, so we're having a party on saturday. a day late, but what the hell, you're just coming for the keg anyway. wear a silly hat and get in for free. buy erik a gift and win a free keg stand.

it's a caption.

 
frickin' sweet.

oasis of competence

i'm a communication effectiveness freak. one of my pet peeves (when reading things intended to be informative and/or instructional) is when people use big words when diminutive ones will suffice. so it follows that i'm constantly looking up words. i also like finding random words that mean funny or appropriate things (like omphaloskepsis or sesquipedalian). so today i wanted to find funny or appropriate words ending in 'tic' (don't ask)

i started off at Merriam Webster's site. my first search was for *tic, fully expecting it to return the definition of 'tic', but the wildcard actually worked! it returned 400/3k results, but it worked. so i tried a*tic: 400/457 results—closer still. so i tried a[t-z]*tic, and that (correctly interpolating the character range) worked too!! anyway, at $30/year, the price for the premium service was right for me. i still feel all tingly.

super snazzy

i think this sweater is the most yellow i've worn out in public in a very long time. probably since i was a kid, even. i used to have some really weird clothes. dammit, i forgot about my Waffle World t-shirt. it's still more body coverage, though. i got it at this thrift store that i forget the name of across from the Brooklyn Brewery. thanks Anna!

if you don't know,

i'm not going to tell you.

lost in transcription

what does this say?

the "how many redhots" game

we've got a gumball machine thing full of redhots in our office and whoever guesses closest to the number of redhots actually in the thing without going over wins tickets to The Producers (note: depending what kind of tickets they are, that's like $600!). first runner up wins the gumball machine.

the part that holds the candy is a sphere about 5" in diameter, 60% filled with redhots, which are equilateral triangles with 1/3" sides and about 1/8" thick. the volume of the sphere is about 65.5"^2; 60% of that is 39.3"^2.

the volume of a redhot is about 0.004846875"^2, based on the volume of a trapezoid tank. if the redhots could be arranged perfectly with no gaps inside of the sphere, you could fit 9825 of them in there, if i did that right. but since it's impossible to arrange them perfectly, this is where the (rest of the) guesstimate comes in... i'm thinking somewhere in the 6-7k neighborhood. anyone care to check my math?

screw you, Jack Daniels, you lying bastard!

i grill up pieces of dead animals quite a bit these days, using my housemate's extra large george foreman grill (link goes to a usb george foreman grill... wtf?). as you might (correctly) imagine, the taste of seared yet unseasoned animal flesh is unfulfilling after a while. this leads me to experiment widely with marinades. i've tried szechuan w/ guinness, teriyaki w/ whiskey, jamacian jerk, lemon herb, and a bunch of other random ones including one i made mostly from scratch that had V8 and lime juice in it.

yesterday i grilled up some steak with "Spicy Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce" (couldn't find a link for the Spicy one). except it wasn't spicy. at all. i am left to assume that Jack, potentially an inbred illiterate hick from Tennessee, either has no idea what the word "Spicy" (with that fancy city-folk curly letter on the end) means, or he just got sooo wasted and thought it would be funny to switch the labels on the spicy and normal bbq sauces. in which case i should have bought the normal bbq sauce. dammit.

now i think i'll have to try this and homemade JD sauces just to balance out the crappiness of the non-spicy JD "Spicy BBQ" version.

All About Bob

one of my co-workers, let's call him "Bob", is in the national guard and got activated a while ago. he's been in Ft. Bragg for a while and has become the resident computer geek, because he didn't bring this, a staple of every serious computer professional's wardrobe. at least those who don't know how to separate business from pleasure.

i miss bob. bob made work more fun by inspiring stuff like Ugly Shirt Tuesday and the Beard Race. bob is in North Carolina... *sniff* but bob has a blog! sporadic updates from Ft. Bragg, where the 1nt4rw3b doesn't flow like milk and honey, but it's something. so fire up the beef jerky and canned air. and who wants to help me figure out fun ways to smuggle alcohol into an army base through the mail?

whistler & pics

i vacationed (hehe) in whistler recently (Jan. 22-31) and it was awesome. awesome, but incredibly tiring. we stayed with some of Brent's college friends for the first three days instead of backcountry camping like we had planned (which would have been even more tiring).

after that we stayed in Tantalus Lodge, which was walking distance from the slopes and had a hot tub and heated pool. we happened to meet some people from Laurel, MD in the hot tub, which was quite weird. i never thought i'd be throwing PG in canada and having people understand me...

i had a whole ski availability fiasco, too, but randomly ended up scoring free rentals, which was nice. the snowboarders rode for 6 days straight, but between my ski problems and twisting my knee because my pansy girl quads were tired, i only made it 4 days in a row. still well worth it, and i got to check out the climbing gym.

i kinda blew my wad early the day i went bouldering cause i didn't notice the house rules that said i could put my feet anywhere unless otherwise noted. so i made the climbs a lot harder than they were meant to be. it's good to be home.

the comments in the gallery are pretty informative too, so check that out if you haven't already.

getitoff getitoff!

I had a really bizarre dream last night where I had a long ponytail. And then I cut it off with a pair of scissors. But then when I looked in the mirror, I had a mullet! WTF?! But when I woke up, everything was ok. (note: "ok" means the mullet was gone)

whistler warning signs

I just got back from a ski trip to Whistler, BC (that's in Canadia, for the unwashed masses) and one of the most amusing things (to me) was the warning signs. There are several things you have to watch out for in Whistler that you can pretty much count on never happening in Maryland. And they have warning signs for them. Here they are, listed in ascending order of danger.

space saver

i've posted a lot of link entries on this website... about 600 as of this writing (always wanted to say that). and there is an html page generated for each one of those posts. by themselves, they're not all that big, but when you add in all the extraneous html that's on each page, it starts to add up!

the blogging software i use (Movable Type) isn't really set up to save space. it caches everything, which means that anytime a change to a page is made, any affected pages are regenerated from the database. it does have a quasi-include mechanism, which i guess isn't supposed to save space, but succeeded in making me use it instead of SSI initially.

i decided enough was enough when my archives directory (which is nothing but text/html files) passed the 10 meg mark. i pulled anything that wasn't entry-specific out into server side includes, 3 total, and saved a good amount of space, traded off against the server's processing power. it might not sound like a lot (3.3k, 2.2k, 2.1k), but multiplied by 800+ entries... *whew*

skirting the fuzz

some dumbass pedestrian got himself hit on route 1 last night, out in front of the ford dealership. so what do they do? they shut down route 1 from university blvd all the way down to paint branch pkwy...

1. sideways cop car roadblock
2. sideways cop car roadblock
3. my (ordered ahead) kebabs! so hungry...

NOTE: some of this might not make any sense if you aren't familiar with College Park, so you can just look at the pretty map.

but i was a man on a mission. i had called in (just after I got off 495) an order for some kebabs to a place (point 3) that was off-limits because of the makeshift roadblocks: cop cars perpendicular to traffic at points 1 and 2. so i had to go down University Blvd, go through campus behind the business school, come out by Plato's and go up Route 1. but there's not enough room on that map to show how much of a shortcut nerd i am... Route 1 North was so backed up, starting at about frat row, that I had to cut through a little-known shortcut that goes through the armory parking lot and comes out on campus drive. at this point, i had no idea that i wouldn't be able to keep going north on Route 1 past Campus Drive, but i figured that out pretty quick. but the cops weren't stopping people from turning right onto Route 1 North from Paint Branch (Campus Drive becomes Paint Branch after crossing Route 1), so i pulled a quick u-turn and ducked onto Route 1 North before they closed it off. VICTORY! KEBABS!

subtle

so today i walked into the bathroom. nobody was in there, as usual. but as soon as i got to the urinal, i smelled something new, something i've never smelled in the bathroom at work before... frickin mouthwash! in a pump dispenser on the counter by the sink!

ebay is awesome

i'm going powder skiing later this month. i have crappy barely hyperbolic skis that i've had for almost as long as i've been skiing. so i decided i need an upgrade. but skis are expensive!! yeah, unless you buy them on ebay. observe:

• retail price less expected web discount at all these places
• no reserve prices on ebay

anyone wanna buy some old skis + bindings? they're in good condition—i just had a great time on them in Snowshoe a month or so ago. $200 plus shipping. i'll post some pics of them sometime soon, i suppose.

not so fast

i got a random invite to play tackle football with some old friends from college this saturday. i figured, why not. football is fun, and i'm decent at it. however, i haven't played in several years, and i don't run very regularly. i bet you can already see where this is going.

teams were already picked beforehand, somehow, so we got off to a pretty quick start. 8 on 8, 2 completions for a 1st, 1 blitz per set, 5 miss rush... with 7 wide outs... heh. cross patterns like crazy. i had a good time, and the guy i was covering only caught one pass, but it got called back cause he was out of the end zone. whenever i pulled off my man to chase someone else, though, i usually got burned because almost all the fast people were on the other team. and that's not really my fault if someone else's guy picks up yards. i didn't do so hot as a receiver, either, but i still had fun, and that's what counts if you don't win.

so after all that, my legs are SORE. i'm having trouble not limping! i guess i should run more... but running sucks. at least there isn't running in bouldering, which i do tonight.

let's play frisbee!

oh jeez, i hope my sweatshirt comes soon!

marey chrismiss

I dunno about you, but I had a great Christmas. I slept in late and bathed myself in media for almost the entire day. I read The Mission for a while, watched a bunch of Family Guy, South Park, and The Name of the Rose, which my Tivo minion recorded for me. Oh, and I did laundry and tried to make my stupid kernel recognize eth0. All in all, quite a productive day.

duck duck goose

honing my skeelz with the gimp

js is teh suck

ok so i recently started using linux as a desktop at work and was impressed with how much it had evolved since the last time i tried it (redhat 7). but that's not really the point of this post. i'm here to bitch about how my carefully engineered cross-browser javascript breaks in frickin netscape 6 on linux even though it's fine on stupid windows in IE, Opera, Mozilla, and Netscape 7.1

the annoying part is that it's not really broken all the time, just the first time you mouse over the link bar at the top. it's supposed to be dark blue when you mouse over it and gray the rest of the time. except, the first time you mouse over it, it goes retarded and decides to stay blue onmouseout. then, on(subsequent)mouseover, it flips normally, except backwards. ARRRGH! i tried to fix it for like an hour and then got mad and decided to ignore it EXCEPT I CAN"T. so if you're awesome at javascript for linux netscape and bored, please feel free to gank my nav code and fix it.

but if i fix it before you do, i don't owe you a beer...

*hic*

i dreamed i stole an armored car last night. and i think i'm still drunk.

scratch that. i drink i'm still thunk. happy? bleh.

gallery

the pictures i took this weekend are now online! our net connection at work died today, and for some weird reason, i could still access my website... so i threw together a little gallery script, which you're looking at right now if you clicked that link. enjoy!

too bad we weren't in new jersey...

now how often do you hear that?!

i went skiing in west virginia last weekend, and we had a grand old time. i'm sure other pictures will follow, but this is my favorite so far (mouse over the image if you're dumb and can't figure out what it is).

this little guy was eating out of our dumpster until some drunk jackass scared him off before i could get a picture. so i had to sneak up on him behind our condo to say hi. "hi mister bear!" *FLASH* GROWR (translation: OMG WTF WAS THAT) *run away, limping from falling into the dumpster*

omgwtfbbq?!

i just had a really surreal experience, and it took me a second to figure out what exactly was happening. i stabbed myself with a staple a while ago when i was disassembling some excess paper in booklet form so i could shred it with my ultra-cool shredder and it really hurt for a second, but then i forgot about it.

a little while after that, i got a random craving for famous dave's bbq. so i went there with one of my housemates and got the catfish and ribs combo, both of which were good. can't say i've had catfish before, and i was not disappointed. i slathered the "Devil's Spit" hot bbq sauce all over my ribs too. mmmmm!

so for the past couple days i've been noticing that there's a dark spot where i stabbed myself with the staple. oh, it's scabbing internally, right? but today i cracked that baby open cause it was starting to piss me off by not going away, and was immediately hit with the smell of Devil's Spit bbq sauce!!!

in conclusion, ew. i've washed my hands at least 43 times since that fateful trip to famous dave's, and it was still lodged in there...

first post (boobies)

our internet connection just recently started working again, so this is my first post from my home computer in forever! weeeeeeee!

(for you freaks who don't read fark every day, there are filters that replace the words "first post" with the word "boobies")

oooh, controversy

i watched The Reagans on Showtime last night. i can see what all the fuss is about, because it's not a pleasant picture that gets painted. Ronald as a naive, well-meaning, easily manipulated actor, and Nancy as a pouty control freak who ironically cedes control to her "psychic friend."

the problem with the "Information Age" is that there's just so much gosh darn information, which makes it easy enough to say or write whatever you want to be true, with grains of truth, or even a whole lot of truth, while leaving out or fabricating that one key thing that would (or does) turn the whole story on its ear. someone might notice, or it might be accepted as gospel truth.

i understand that history has been and is written by the victors and all that, but the process has sped up so much that it has become possible to alter reality within one's lifetime, decidedly to one's advantage by altering the public's perceptions. i'm a big believer in responsibility and the honor in taking responsibility for something (like the media, along with so many other people with wide public influence doesn't). without that trait, people become like the shells of people in Atlas Shrugged whose mantra is "It couldn't be helped." they repeat that saying over and over until it is defeated by the people who aren't afraid to be seen for what they really are, whose strengths and shortcomings flap in the breeze like so many standards (pun intended) proudly carried, announcing the presence of a conquering force.

grandiose metaphors are awesome.

my old phone

here's the pic (hehe)

w.bloggar

this blogging software was recommended to me and i'm giving it a try. this is my first post using it. the only thing i haven't figured out is how to add a post in multiple categories. everything else seems pretty easy.

EDIT: as far as i can tell, i have to log in to do the multiple category thing.

just so you know...

If I have to come to work on thanksgiving (like today), I of course will:

1. smell


2. wear the same clothes I did yesterday (because Target was closed at 7:45am on thanksgiving... lazy bastards)


3. use up all of SA's bandwidth for the month


4. fall asleep at the urinal


5. eat string cheese and walnuts all day

I'm not asking, I'm telling. SO DON'T TRY TO STOP ME!

hello? hi me!

I did something rather transcendental this afternoon. But first, a little bit of lead-in:

I bought a new cell phone yesterday, and had my old number switched over (kthx Congress, now read the energy bill before you sign it), which involved surprisingly less voodoo magic than I had imagined. I suppose that happens in the back room where the customers aren't allowed. It was easy enough. I think the hardest question was "Is there a security question you are asked when you want to change your plan information?" Of course, only after I racked my brain for a while to remember my online account password did Betty Boop behind the counter (she actually was hot, which was nice) tell me "Oh, this is something that only big business accounts have." Then why did you ask me? I guess I look like Johnny Big Business over here, especially since it was Ugly Shirt Tuesday and here I am wearing my fruity old Arnold Palmer polo (no really, it had fruit designs on it, I think they were pomegranates).

So I finally walked out of there with my phone. I was informed that since I had switched my number over from my old carrier—Cingular, who doesn't have bad coverage, really, they just don't have any phones I like—it would take a while before I would get incoming calls on my new phone. But I could make outgoing calls on the new one. Great, I have to carry around my POS old Nokia held together with hockey tape for another couple days.

Finally, to the point: I got a bright idea this afternoon on the way out to the car for lunch. I called my phone number from my new phone. It rang on my old phone, I answered, and had a nice little conversation with myself. I won't burden you with the details, but it was quite exciting, I assure you.

lyric quiz score

I took a quiz. I did ok: 35.75%...
SEE IF YOU DO ANY BETTER, SCHMAHTY-PAHNTSH!

p.s. I got a -30% penalty for being a "yuppie"... heh.

i'm stuck!!1

The most bizarre, random, and annoying thing happened to me on the way home from the climbing gym last night. I got in my car and put on my seatbelt. Then I moved my arm and the seatbelt flew out of its holster like it smelled bad in there or something. I finally got it in there like the true computer professional I am (reboot it, i.e. press on the release, hear a click, then it goes in and stays in). But then when I got home, it wouldn't come out! It's a good thing I'm not a senior citizen or I would have had to call the fire department to bring the jaws of life (or at least Jon with his Spyderco). So I had to squirm out of the seatbelt one part at a time (first the shoulder belt, then the lap belt). I can only imagine how amusing it would have been to watch me do that. I couldn't see it, however, as I was blinded by rage. Screw you, POS Chevy!

ie annoyances

So recently I haven't been able to view the source of any web pages I visit... which was annoying, but workable. Also, any images I would try to save would force me to save as bitmap. So today I googled for '"view source" doesn't work' and found this, which described all the symptoms and told my dumb ass how to fix it. Clear cache early and often! Stupid IE...

awesome

check out this shirt:

PANTS!

I especially identify with this picture because of my Halloween costume, which included breakaway track pants. I was a Disco Cowboy, but then people told me I looked like Kid Rock, so I took that ball and ran with it. Couldn't find anyone dressed as Pam, tho. More pictures to follow, as soon as I don't forget my camera cable.

want me to smiiiiiiile atcha?

I saw Chris Rock at Meyerhoff Symphony Hall on Tuesday. The event planning was horrible. They had the regular drinks (water, juice, coffee) in the same place as the alcoholic drinks, so the lines were ungodly long. So I bought some chocolate cake with a truffle on top (after trying to bribe the lady selling the cake into getting me a Maker's on the rocks) and it pacified me a bit.

Then I went back to my seat and hung out until the show "began." Began is in quotes because the MC came out and told jokes for a while (he was funny) but then frickin Big Daddy Kane or whatever came out and his DJ took like 20 minutes to set up. When the MC finally figured out that the audience was sitting there watching some random DJ hook up his turntables, he came out to do some more jokes, but the DJ was ready to go right in the middle of a bit about porno, which the MC readily left hanging so he could go finish his dinner. BOOO!

So we're here to see Chris Rock, and the MC is decent. But then some random washed-up rapper starts asking is if we're from the Old Skool and having his DJ play sound bytes of old songs. As charming as that is, get the hell off the stage. No, really.

Eventually, he gets the hint and goes backstage to slit his wrists (we can only hope) and a 15-minute intermission is called. Now maybe I don't understand how to plan an event, but I thought that was a supremely stupid idea to have an intermission right after the worst possible part of the show. At least have the MC come back on and finish his porno joke first!

I didn't have to use the bathroom or anything, so I stayed in my seat during the intermission. Now, granted, at least 60% of the theatre was snow white, but there is no excuse for playing country music on the house speakers at a Chris Rock show... Even if it does sound better (which it did, somehow) than the rapper who just committed suicide backstage because he realized how much he sucks.

But wait, this was a Chris Rock show, right? Right. Apparently, he hasn't done standup in a while, because that's the first thing he said. While that wasn't very funny, the rest of his act was. I was surprised how politically charged a lot of his comedy was, however. He spent probably a half hour or more making fun of everything from affirmative action to Arnold Schwarzenegger. But then he compared women to retarded children who need to think everything they do is special. Thanks, Chris, I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Apparently, it's pretty hard to screw up a Chris Rock show, even if everything but him sucks.

did i do thaaaat?

drunk dialing is a bad idea...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

my bad, lo-lo!

peligroso en la cabeza!

I watched Confessions of a Dangerous Mind last night. At first I thought it was gonna be stupid because Dangerous Minds was stupid, but then I remembered that Catwoman was the teacher in that, so it can't have been that bad, right? Right??!

I enjoyed it. It was definitely a dark comedy (at least i took it as a comedy, which given my track record of laughing hilariously in 8mm while Nicolas Cage gets sodomized with a crossbow, might be stretching it), and it was done very well. (Heh heh, I don't think he actually got sodomized with a crossbow... but that would be pretty funny.)

So yeah! Good movie, good acting, good subtle acting and reacting by the dude who shot Drew Barrymore out of a window in Charlie's Angels, and also looks kinda like Jon Bon Jovi. That's two strikes! But this movie resets the count. And the crowd goes wild.

woo woo.

bleh. haven't posted in a while. didja notice? who am i talking to?

stupid net connection is still dead. suck it. that's given me time to appreciate Disgaea, though, cause otherwise i'd play DAoC whenever i got a hankerin' for some interactive digital entertainment. i got to fight the power rangers the other day, and i whupped their butts. no really =P

i'm climbing V3s now. i somehow manage to do it with a hangover every now and then too. i haven't seen progress in my climbing skeelz in a while, so that's a nice change. i also learned that if my shoulders hurt while bouldering, that's because my pushing and pulling muscles aren't balanced in their brute force awesome hyper strength and i need to do some pushups. counterintuitive, but very effective.

chewy candy

i like chewy candy. my two favorite types of candy in the whole world are Shock Tarts and Chewy Spree. they're just so easy to eat! and it doesn't stay in your mouth for as long as hard candy, so it's better for your teeth - as long as you (at least) drink water, or (if you're a freak) brush your teeth after every bite.

yay Willy Wonka!

quintessential irrefutable incongruity

"you don't understand me."

what does one say to that? i do understand you? don't break up with me? *sigh*

i guess i have to look at the bright side. i now have a hot friend, FWIW.

you keep me up all night

I'm a night person. I can stay up all night if I'm doing something interesting. Otherwise, I usually bow out by about 1am.

I stayed up all night last night finishing Angels & Demons by Dan Brown. That wasn't such a good choice, but the book was quite an intellectual and emotional ride. That's the second Dan Brown book I've read (1st being The DaVinci Code), and it isn't hard to see a pattern in the plots, even if you're not looking closely.

So yeah. All night! I haven't done that in a while. It's at least been since I was unemployed reading Harry Potter 5. zzzzZzzZZzZZ...

spinners on a cavalier...

zach sent me a link to this image today... that would be hilarious if i put those on my car. but i probably won't, seeing as i haven't been motivated enough to even check the price.

this weekend

i had a good weekend. first of all, there was a fun birthday party in DC friday night, with cake and everything (oh, and 4 kegs too). a couple of us went out for breakfast pretty late, which was good, and probably helped alleviate some hangovers the next morning.

got up at 11, took a cab to a friend's car, got dropped off at mine, and went to my first company party, complete with a bbq. mmm, chargrilled meat! hung out there for a while, got to meet a lot of new people.

went to PhortAwesome after that to relax and eat popcr0n. slept there. went to barnes and noble to buy more books i don't have time to read... but they all look so interesting! i'm starting to see a theme here - i guess i need to make time to read. werd.

my desk calendar

i have the Dave Barry 2003 desk calendar on my desk at work. i tear off a page every business day, and two on mondays. while i really enjoy reading Dave Barry's longer humor pieces, the small amount of text that fits on a desk calendar page doesn't really give him enough time to build up his normal repertoire of comic backreferences. but sometimes, there is one that really makes me laugh. today was one of those days:

Loud cell-phoners never seem to get urgent calls. Just once, I'd like to hear one of them say: "Hello? Yes, this is Dr. Johnson. Oh, hello, Dr. Smith. You've opened the abdominal cavity? Good! Now the appendix should be right under the... What? No, that's the liver. Don't take THAT out, ha ha! Oh, you did? Whoops! Now listen very, very carefully..."
  -Dave Barry, 2003 Desk Calendar

too... many... books...

i've been on a reading spree recently! i read four books while on vacation, but then yesterday i went to the Greenbelt Labor Day Festival used book sale (hardcover $1, paperback $0.50) and picked up 13 more books IIRC to go in the queue...

there's not enough time even to enter all the books i plan to read into my books section, let alone read them! bah. oh well, i guess there are worse problems to have.

da beech!

i'm at the beach! and it's not raining like it was last year! so far, i've ran around on the beach, biked 26 miles, lugged sea kayaks out to the beach (OW.), and many other things.

the sea kayaking was fun, but the first time i tried it, the boat had water in it (which nobody realized) so every little move i made was exaggerated and i would tip over every few seconds. while this was undoubtedly hilarious for everyone watching, i quickly tired of it. but i did it ok today (the second time i tried it), so that's good.

there are many good pictures of everyone on the trip, which i will post when i'm not sharing a modem connection with everyone else.
get back to work, you!

office building

I work in an office building. With lots of poor schmucks who have to dress up every day. Or at least wear business casual. So when I show up in green plaid shorts and a tee shirt, I get lots of weird looks. It's pretty funny, actually... they look at me like it's "Bring Your Son to Work" Day and my daddy lost track of me. I just smile and nod, snickering in my head at all the poor bastards wearing ties.

dragon flies

I see dragonflies every day. They look like they're having a great time, swooping around all over the parking lot I have to walk through in order to get from my car to my office chair.

birthday soon

and lauren sent me a card! thanks lauren!